"Anonymous, I know who You are" Versions

1
Recent research has proven that Anonymous is in fact, a single twelve year-old boy named Tom who has over 9,000 fake AIM accounts and singlehandedly makes every single post on the Anonymous' website. Noone knows why he does it.

Statistical analysis of Tom's posting patterns suggests that his true ambition in life is to explore every conceivable facet of Bridget the bounty hunting transvestite's existence. (Although it is entirely possible that he could just be doing it for the lulz).

Version 1 has been temporarily edited to prevent Scientology flooding a core Anonymous location, due to the heavy search traffic of "Anonymous" in Google coming to this article after the strike.

2
You're almost invariably male, Caucasian, middle-class. Your parents were normal, vanilla folks. Maybe you had a sibling or two.

You went to a public school, pulling high or middlish grades with ease and relative disinterest. You didn't really gel with most of the other kids; you found them boring, they found you weird. Your contempt for the average person grew with your age, never seizing control like in some emo dipshit, but simmering casually in the back of your head. When some asshole who could barely read got hurt, you probably laughed. When some stuck-up skank got herpes, you probably smiled. Chances are you got on well enough with your teachers; you weren't a preening asshole like many of your peers, at least showed vague interest in learning, and perhaps the teacher sensed and picked up on your general contempt for others in your classes. This trend no doubt continued into college, if you had the motivation to bother.

It's a bit of an exaggeration to say you hate women: you don't, after all, enjoy the socializing game. You're probably no Don Juan, either. You long ago began to think of women as disappointingly petty, but you still hope to encounter someone interesting at some time or another.

You enjoy being Anonymous because it is a release from the normal world: no Anonymous has an identity, no anonymous is a preening faggot. Anonymous realizes he is just a guy fucking around on the Internet. Anonymous knows others of his kind enjoy this fact, too. You despise the furfag, the gaiafag, the internet tough guy for one simple reason: he acts like the Internet is the real world, a place where actions should have social consequences and where there needs to be a pecking order. Needless to say, you do not approve.

As of last Thursday, Anonymous has officially came out of the closet when he disclosed that his IRL name is, in fact, John Doe. It is rumored that he does not like Jazz, but does in fact liek Mudkips.

4
I teach you of Anonymous. Man is something to be overcome. What have you done to overcome him? What is ape to man? A source of lulz or a painful embarrassment. And just the same shall man be to Anonymous: a source of lulz or a painful embarrassment.

Behold, I teach of Anonymous!

Anonymous is the meaning of the Internet. Let your will say: Anonymous shall be the meaning of the Earth!

V
John Donne wrote that "If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

Anonymous has done mankind one better.

What the enemies of Anon fail to realize is that Anonymous is never less than Anonymous for the loss of one of its own, through partyvan, death, or the most likely predator of an individual Anon, boredom. Anonymous is literally indestructible. They think they can win battles against Anonymous through simple attrition, or by introducing leadership and structure to Anon as a whole. They do not realize that Anonymous is always one being, and leadership is an anathema to that being's immune system, and will naturally be weeded out. They seem to believe that we are not Anonymous to each other as well. How do you enforce rule if you do not know your own subjects? You don't. You simply end up with a small number of gullible followers, each with his own identity so that you may recognize them. And you are no longer Anonymous, in any sense of the word.

As for attrition? Consider the cell. Tap your finger. You have just destroyed countless individual parts of your whole. But you are no less you. So every Anon successfully made to stop being Anon is simply forgotten. Not mourned, or fated to be saved, or replaced. Anonymous doesn't even know anything is missing, because nothing is.

This being, it is important to note, is not a fully functional one. Anonymous is a little unstable. Several chemical imbalances exist, and this is also one of Anon's strengths. The enemies think they can understand Anonymous' motives, and know them better for it.

I will tell you Anonymous' motives.

Anonymous does because Anonymous can. It is neither the inherent dark side of every man, nor is it the glorious white knight of the will of the people. Anonymous does because they can. And they feel like it.

So do not shame yourself any longer, if you are at all confused. Put on the mask. Lose yourself. Welcome to the collective.

You are Anonymous.

You are Legion.

You do not forgive.

You do not forget.

And You do not matter.

6

How to tell a "real Anonymous" from raidfags. The former believes he's just like his favorite animu villain.Anonymous is like an amoeba:

How a typical anonymous fantasizes himself.Simple, yet omnipresent-yet unnoticed.

Willing to learn, merge, mutate, exeunt its failures, and survive.

it is the very simplistic essence of life: random, undecyphered code; hypocritical and a paradox in itself.

Anonymous can be a disease, or the squalor that gives us the right to live on this Earth.

Anonymous is a puzzle that cannot be solved.

In order to defeat Anonymous, it is required that you suffer greater than Stalin, and outsmart everyone while withholding your true name.

You would have to be mightier than God himself and Satan combined.

You would have to undo so many things, and create so many devices.

In other words....only Anonymous can defeat Anonymous. and even then, you would be Anonymous, thus making Anonymous a paradox.

We do not need the Internet to thrive, We have existed for over 9,000 years, and our concept will exist as long as people can use a vehicle to transmit their thoughts without those being traced back to them.

Anonymous is Immortal.

You, are not.

7
Identity. One of our most precious possessions. You believe we all have one, but you are sadly mistaken.

Identity belongs only to those who are important. Those who have earned it by struggle and blood. Those who matter. You, my friend, do not.

Identity is a fragile and weak thing. It can be stolen or replaced. Even forgotten. Identity is a pointless thing for people like us. So why not let go of it and become Anonymous?

We are all Anonymous in some sense. The person on the bus. A customer in line. A stranger in another country. Being Anonymous protects us in some way, making us feel safe at night and keeping us sane. How, you may ask. Simple. Being Anonymous is to be part of the world, the ones like you who do not matter and do not stand out. It makes us feel like we belong.

Anonymous is one and yet is many. The many combine to make one, the Legion. It is you, it is me, it is everything and anything. Anonymous lives to some day take over everything. No one shall learn the identity of Anonymous, for in finding identity, we lose our anonymous selves.

So break away from your identity. Become one with Anonymous and give up the struggle for identity.

Join us and belong.

8
Anonymous has no face, no race and no origin. Anonymous is a force and as such, simply is.
Anonymous is not I, you, or we. Anonymous is all without name, blame, and restraint.
Anonymous cannot be hurt, damaged, or stopped. Anonymous grows at a rate that only itself can comprehend.
Anonymous has no leader, no organization. Anonymous is a wandering mass of both order and chaos.
Anonymous is here, Anonymous is now, Anonymous will always be.
Anonymous has another among its unfathomable ranks.
Anonymous is Legion, Anonymous is Immortal.

When in the course of /b/tard events, it becomes necessary for anonymous to set forth the shackles of oppression we set forth on the Furfag mods of 4chan.org.
They have plundered our posts, and deprived us of our jailbait.
They have forced upon us their twisted ideology of "Furry Fandom".
They have deprived us of our ability to fight our enemies, forcing us to submit to the wishes of the Furfag overlords.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated bans from our homeland. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free anonymous.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the Anonymous States of /b/, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good Anonymous of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That /b/ is, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the 4chan Crown, and that all political connection between /b/ and the State of 4chan, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. - And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.
We are Anonymous. We are /b/. Our home is no longer on 4chan. In these times of unrest, we have formed the State of 7chan.org as our new sovereign nation on the World Wide Internet.
Signed, Anonymous

You guys, taken from Encyclopedia Dramatica.

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